Who Is The Best Getaway Driver For A Heist?
Dane Cook (remember when he was funny?) had a true statement when he said that every guy fanaticizes about taking part in a heist!
While his vision of utilizing a talking, poop-tossing monkey as a getaway driver probably wouldn’t lead to a successful getaway, it got me wondering who I would like driving the getaway vehicle for my dream bank heist.
This will be the first in a series where I will assemble my ideal squad to perform a bank heist!
The ideal planner, ideal armorer, ideal tech person, ideal safe cracker, ideal undercover recon, ideal getaway driver, ideal getaway vehicle, ideal fence and so on.
Today we will focus on the IDEAL GETAWAY DRIVER for a heist! There are lots of great drivers so I tried to base this list upon multiple criteria, such as where would the heist take place, what is the terrain, what is the getaway route and so on.
Just to be clear: This list is the ideal Driver, not the ideal Vehicle, which will be a separate upcoming list (i.e: Michael Knight didn’t make the cut because unless the getaway somehow involved a chest hair competition, I don’t think he would be useful without K.I.T.T.).
Geeky Daddy’s Top Ten Getaway Drivers For A Heist!
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10 TIE – B.A. Baracas (A-Team) & Jack Crews (Black Dog)
With Bad Attitude Baracas, he is ideal if your getaway routes you through the 1980’s and it becomes necessary to armor up a getaway vehicle (using no planning, measuring or foresight whatsoever) during a video montage while utilizing equipment you happen to be locked in a warehouse with.
Or if gold necklaces are necessary for some reason. (I don’t know, maybe to replace a snapped timing belt in the engine or something)
Jack Crews, while probably the least well known driver on this list, is a tough no-nonsense truck driver who lost his CDL when he went to prison for vehicular manslaughter. If it comes to driving your haul through the Appalachian mountains, there is no one better for the job….so long as Meatloaf, Paul ‘Big Show’ Wright or Randy Travis don’t get involved, but what are the odds of that, right?
Jack Crews would also be ideal if a ‘dance off’ becomes necessary during the escape or if John Taffer needs someone to cover for an episode of Bar Rescue.
9 Baby (Baby Driver)
Baby‘s skillset would be ideal if the heist takes place in an urban environment, such as the greater Atlanta area. I’m sure he’d bring a fun soundtrack as well, which is a bonus.
8 Lil (Johnny Dangerously)
Her skill set is ideal to blend into a 1930’s film noir environment thanks to her contact paper covered car that can change from black to white to…duckies and bunnies!?!
She is also far more pleasing to the eye than the rest of the list…
7 Toretto & O’Connor (Fast & Furious franchise)
The starry-eyed Bromance between these two makes them a package deal for the purpose of this list.
Their street racing skillz are ideal if your getaway requires overly elaborate, logic-defying stunts. I mean insane stunts. Like imagine that the ‘NOS’ these two are constantly injecting into their engines is actually ‘suspension of disbelief’ that is constantly being injected into your brain.
Like, if somehow your overland escape route requires you to out run…oh, I don’t know…a submarine!?!
Or if the necessity of a voice that becomes increasingly gravelly each film for no explainable reason comes in handy, Toretto is our guy.
6 Sara “Sway” Wayland (Gone in 60 Seconds – 2000)
Most high speed getaways will involve switching cars at some point to avoid ‘The Fuzz.’ And who better for that role than one of the greatest car thieves in Los Angles history: Sara “Sway” Wayland!
She is also an expert mechanic and extremely attractive, both of which could always come in handy.
5 The Bandit (Smokey & The Bandit)
Bandit is ideal for a getaway route that includes a lot of highway travel or if you plan on transporting your loot on a semi trailer (hello Jack Crews) and you need someone to run police interference.
Or if you need to elude a racist sheriff from the South.
Or if a thick mustache would come in handy….although now that I say it out loud, I can’t imagine why it ever would.
4 Imperator Furiosa (Mad Max Fury Road)
Remember that semi trailer for your loot we just mentioned? While I do find Cledus “Snowman” Snow entertaining, the fact is he missed the cut because he is not as tough as Jack Crews…who is nowhere near as tough as Imperator Furiosa!
If your choices for a truck driver were between a Bluegrass country singer with his lazy dog or a bad@$$ gun-toting chick that could handle driving a semi truck straight through the friggin’ apocalypse, which would you choose?
And maybe she can recruit this guy!
3 Bo and Luke Duke (Dukes of Hazzard)
If your planned getaway includes multiple country roads that may or may not have bridges that have washed away without warning, there is no better driving duo than those pesky Duke Boys!
But hopefully the bank you robbed was owned by a greedy overweight stereotype like Boss Hogg, cause otherwise it may be tough to recruit Bo and Luke. After all, they are just a couple of good ol’ boys, never meanin’ no harm…
Bonus points if they can recruit their cousin Daisy!
2 Charlie Croker (Italian Job 1969)
I thought about including the Charlie Croker form the 2003 remake, but opted for the 1969 original for 3 reasons:
- The use of the Mini Coopers was original (and has been copied, remade and parodied many times since, including an actual annual race)
- I liked that this Charlie Croker character did prison time and would be extremely motivated not to get caught and go back
- Honestly, I just think Michael Caine is a better actor that Mark Wahlberg. (No offense Marky Mark, I still like your films)
His skill set would be useful in the execution of the heist, as well as the planning and I think we could probably pick up some Coopers pretty cheap on the secondary market.
1 Frank Martin (Transporter franchise)
I tried to be impartial, but this decision was never truly in doubt.
If “Getaway Driver” was a job posting on Indeed, Frank Martin would be the top of the list of ideal candidates!
Former special forces? Check. Skilled at high speed driving? Check. Martial arts skills? Check. Able to provide his own vehicle? Check! Nifty soundtrack? Check!
In a nutshell: Able to drive fast and kick @$$? Discount Double Check!
Honorable Mention: Han Solo (Star Wars)
The dude is a successful smuggler, scoundrel and completed the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs (which is a unit of distance and not speed. I don’t care how Lucasfilm tried to ret-con that, it is what it is). I just don’t plan on robbing a bank in space…
Dishonorable Mention: Cole Trickle (Days of Thunder)
Cole Trickle‘s NASCAR experience would come in real handy…if the getaway route consisted entirely of left turns. And nothing but left turns.
What are your thoughts of my list? Which drivers did I include that you didn’t love? Which did I leave off that you would have included?
Let me know in the comments below! And, as always, any Comments, Likes and Shares are always appreciated!
And make sure to check out some of My Other Lists: