Poop-Megeddon!!! With Video And Commentary

(Don’t worry, no graphic content is on the video.  Only I have been scarred by this event.)

So Lil’ G-Man hadn’t had a bowel movement in 3 days plus, so we knew something evil and disastrous was heading towards our home, we just were not sure when.

Then last night, the barometric pressure fell outside, a red sky appeared above our home and Ming The Merciless sent from his home planet of Mongo a natural disaster the likes of which Earth has not seen since the biblical days of Noah. (cue Queen music here)

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And just as Flash Gordon rose to the call, I stepped up to the changing station to tackle the challenge.

Knowing this would be a calamity based solely on the smell that was quickly permeating the house, Lindsey thought it best to record this GAG REEL (all puns intended) for prosperity and probably to embarrass Grayson at some point in his future…

She did a great job of keeping the camera on me so as to spare you, our loyal audience, from having to see what I wish I could but can never again unsee.

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The video is in 4 segments because this grand epic of a diaper change unexpectedly messily morphed into a trilogy + an epilogue! It was like a California mudslide after torrential rainfall!  The brown stuff just kept coming!

(I do apologize where there are 2 brief moments where the audio cuts out for some reason)

VIDEO 1

The important Geeky Daddy hack I refer to here when the audio cuts out is to always have puppy pee pads on the changing table in case of multi-stage poops like this.  The puppy pee pads are much less expensive than baby pads are, accomplish the same job and, most importantly, are disposable.

If you are having loading issues, HERE is the YouTube link.

Video 2

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in”

It looked and sounded like we were done, but that was just the quiet before the $#!T Storm!  No sooner than after we stopped filming, a thunderous rumble tore through Grayson’s abdomen and which was quickly followed by the Pompeii disaster of baby poop.

If you are having loading issues, HERE is the YouTube link.

Video 3

And just like when Atreyu battled the Nothing, there were casualties.

By the end of this diaper, Grayson looked like John Candy in the mud wrestling scene from “Stripes”.  We had to use scissors to cut Lil’G out of the outfit and sprint him upstairs to the shower.

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Again I apologize for the audio fading in and out (much like my dignity did) on the 4th video.  This video is an epilogue of the events.

If you are having loading issues, HERE is the YouTube link.

Video 4 Epilogue (spoiler: note we are both wearing a change of clothes)

If you are having loading issues, HERE is the YouTube link.

The look of shellshock on my face.

Sidenote: R.I.P. cute striped onesie.  Nothing should ever have to go out the way you did.

Make sure to check out and subscribe to our Geeky Daddy YouTube page for more funny videos.

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Lil’ G-Man’s First Cold & Geeky Daddy’s 1st Encounter with Fridababy’s NoseFrida

So Lil’ G-Man had his first day at daycare the other day.  He received a “great” on his report card and I was proud of my wife for not crying as we dropped him off for her first 8 hour stretch away from him.

And of course he came down with a cold the next day.  We know that all baby’s get sick at daycare. It is just part of being in a new environment with other little ones that drool over everything that they come into contact with.  I just did not think he would get sick after his very first friggin’ day!

I felt so bad for Lower Case G. Fortunately no fever, but all stuffed up, sneezing, coughing and making these sad little whimpery type sounds….

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Grayson trying to sleep it off

Obviously, at only 4 months old, NyQuil, Allegra Decongestant and even Grandpa’s Cough Syrup are all options that are off the table. My wife told me that there is a magical product called a “NoseFrida” that “everybody swears by” that I should run out and get.

So, with 20% off coupon in hand, off to superstore Buy Buy Baby I went. (Quick Geeky Daddy Hack: Always keep a set of Buy Buy Baby coupons in the car as well as the diaper bag so you are always prepared.  If you are like me, then you get a new one in the mail like every 3rd day…)

I purchased the NoseFrida and a box of hygiene filters and sped back to the manor like the superhero I thought I was.  Once home, we unpackaged the product, grabbed our stuffed-up bundle of joy and my wife said “Are you going to suck the snot out or should I?”

With a dumbfounded look on my face, I responded, as composed and evenly as I could, “What the heck are you talking about!?!”

Once the shock wore off and I examined the package in my hand, I realized what I had gotten myself into.  The way the NoseFrida works is ingenious yet fairly simply at the same time.  Much like an invention Richard Dean Anderson would come up with on a Macgyver re-run.

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NoseFrida by Fridababy

 

The tapered end of a plastic tube rest against the baby’s nostril and the opposite end has a bendable straw attached that the adult sucks on. A filter separates the two ends preventing any baby snot from finding it’s way into the adult’s mouth.

If you think the thought of this process sounds disgusting, that is simply because the thought of it is. 

However, my little mini-me was uncomfortable and in distress so daddy needs to man up and be the best darn “snotsucker” I could be.  Neither Lil’ G-Man or myself enjoyed the process but the honest answer is….this product is a winner!

Literally within a few seconds we had both his nostrils clear!  He was breathing clearly for the next couple hours, much happier and able to latch and feed perfectly.  We did need to repeat the process about every 4 hours or so, but I was honestly extremely impressed with the results. You do want to do a shot of saline spray in each nostril and it is not easy. You do need to suck on the straw pretty hard.

It is very important to replace the hygiene filters with each use (the product is pre-packaged with 4).  You want to make sure that filter is working like the security of a high priced celebrity VIP club and not like the security working the TSA line at Metro Airport. (i.e. very porous)

My recommendation to you is don’t wait till your baby is sick to pick up a NoseFrida. It is an inexpensive remedy that is easy to store in a small medicine cabinet with no shelf life concerns to worry about.

You can click the link below to have a NoseFrida with 20 additional filters shipped directly from Amazon.

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NoseFrida with 20 additional filters

Grayson Picking Up Older Girls At The Little Gym

Lil’ G-Man found his first girlfriend (he likes the older ladies!). She might have been impressed by him standing by himself on the wedge mat, or the fact that he hasn’t yet farted in front of her like he did with the last group of girls.

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“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” She asked
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Grayson’s eyes when she walked in the door…

Kid Humping A Trash Can At The Mall

So we went to a local shopping mall today and there was a kid in the main corridor who was probably around 1st grade in age I am guessing.

What made this young boy unique is that he was humping a garbage can.  Full on humping, complete with sound effects and full range of motion, the metal trash receptacle until his father called him over because he was done in an apparel store.

If your child is walking around humping trash cans, you may want to tone down what you are exposing your child to.  Maybe you left him unsupervised with the wrong television programming once too often, maybe introduced him to some weird Japanese anime at too early of an age, maybe you need to clear your browser history before handing your tablet, I don’t know.  But somewhere something didn’t go right…

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Sidenote:  Searching for a feature image for this article, I google image searched “trash can porn”, NEVER EVER DO THAT!!!  Somethings can not be un-seen.

Tips for dealing with a Colic Baby

Colic really is the X-Files of baby medical conditions: truly unexplained.  Whether or not the truth is out there, I have assembled a checklist you can use to help survive this trying phase with your baby.

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Colic leaves nobody happy

First things first.  What in Odin’s name is Colic?

WebMd defines Colic as “a term that applies to any healthy, well-fed infant who cries more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week, for more than 3 weeks”.  Many doctors believe it is caused by gas pains from the baby’s digestive system still figuring out how it is supposed to work.  In the case of our baby, the meltdowns are near daily from 11 PM lasting as late as 3 AM. At one point, the Colic may be responsible for a late night call to the hospital asking about a “newborn return policy”. (there is not one, if you were curious).

 

Colic is a unique diagnosis for a baby for a couple of reasons.  

 

Partially because it seems to have almost become a generic, catch-all term pediatricians use for when they do not have an answer for why your baby cries.  Filtering symptoms through a process of elimination and using “Colic” as the final catch all bucket for the leftover unexplained.

 

It is also unique because, unless they have endured though it themselves, it is hard for others empathize.

The prolonged sleep deprivation is the hardest part (a couple weeks in and it is painfully obvious why many nations use it as an effective means of torture).  While the vague promises from others of “it gets better” are nice, unless they are offering to babysit during the meltdowns, you really care or don’t want to hear it.

 

Here is a checklist of options that have worked for us:

  1. Running Water:  All babies have an internal “off switch” and the trick is to find the right white noise at the right time.  Many nights for us, it was the kitchen sink faucet.  I held Grayson horizontally against the right side of my abdomen (think of a running back holding a football) with his head close to the sink.  Once the water turned on, he stopped crying almost immediately.

  2. Hair Dryer:  I found this to work better than a vacuum cleaner which I know some parents are fans of.  Hair dryers are also less costly than vacuums if they burn out.

  3. YouTube Music App:  This is a must have for multiple reasons.  Looped tracks of hair dryer sounds lasting hours can be easily found, which is obviously much safer than running an actual hair dryer near the baby. There are an unlimited supply of lullabies to help baby sleep, as well as nature tracks of babbling brooks and rain sounds.  (Hint: Look for ad free files!  Nothing is worse than a loud ad blaring just as baby’s eyelids are getting heavy.

  4. Late Nap:  Many babies have a small window of time between “tired” and “so over tired that I am never passing out ” and trying to hit that target can be harder than hitting 2 meter Womprats with your T-16.  We found that early evening naps helped shorten the 11 PM meltdowns by decreasing the “over tiredness.”

Here is a video of my son Grayson in the midst of a 3 AM colic meltdown and how quickly the hairdryer file quieted him down.

 

Beyond that, you will find that caffeine and subtitles will be your best friend while to catch up on your CW superhero shows on your DVR.

 

Obviously every baby is different and what works one day may not work the next, but Grayson is now about 4 months old and these tactics has helped decrease the colic over the past few months.