Holy Potent Semen Batman!
(FOR CLARIFICATION: This story is based on satire and entertainment. This dude really wasn’t this lucky)
If you were born in the San Diego, California, area between 1951 and 1964, there is a chance Randall (Randy) Jeffries may be your dad!
A number of adults were getting controversial paternity DNA test results in the San Diego area which lead to some investigating by a former FBI profiler. 97-year-old Randall Jeffries, who worked as a milk delivery man in the area between 1951 and 1964, was asked to submit DNA to see if he may have fathered a few of the births in question.
“All these years I thought I was sterile. My wife and I never had any children.” Jeffries told the ‘Daily News.’
HINT: Turns out his sperm potency was about as far away from sterile as possible! Jeffries may just be the Johnny Appleseed of sperm!
At that time, many in the San Diego area still got their milk delivered to the house via milk delivery services. And many of the households in the area were young, lonely housewives of servicemen stationed away from home…and you probably see where this is going.
For many of these women, the temptation of this handsome and charming young man consistently knocking on the front door bearing gifts of dairy became too much. Some began baking him pies and other baked goods…and some let him sample some of their more personal goods.
It all sounds like the hastily written plot of a low budget porno film, but recent studies have found that discreet affairs actually weren’t uncommon in those days. The lack of things like at home DNA testing and social media meant having brief secret romantic liaisons was easier and more successful.
This is what initially spawned the joke “must be the milk man’s kid” when a child was born with a different hair color or some other trait that varied from their siblings.
However, it turns out this was much more than a joke for the over 800 confirmed children born from Milk Man Randall Jeffries deliveries! (Keep in mind these are just the “confirmed” DNA test. There could be more!)
“To think that at age 97, to hear such news! What a blessing. I now feel so fulfilled and cannot wait to meet all my children“, says Randy.
If you are curious about legal or financial ramifications for Mr. Jeffries (like I was), because of their ages and laws at time of conception, Randy was clear of any and all legal charges they may have stemmed from missed child-support or the like.
On a series side of this topic though, while San Diego is a populous area, the possibility that two of his more than 800 children could have potentially dated and gotten married, is possible…