With the Roadhouse remake closing in on the horizon, it got me wondering who would I trust the most if I had a struggling bar?
Jon Taffer of Bar Rescue or Dalton of 1989’s Cult Movie Classic Roadhouse?
Let’s put the two most famous Bar Rescuers Head-To-Head and see who comes out on top!
One has a rule to just “Be Nice.”
The other screams like Yoko Ono in a cheap recording studio and has no hesitation calling you a “Loser” and a “Failure” in front of your mother.
But both get the job done. But which is better?
If you own a bar….and you are in trouble…and you can find them…maybe you can hire…oops, wrong show.
Who would you rather hire to rescue your struggling bar: Jon Taffer or 1989 Roadhouse’s Dalton?
While an exact answer is impossible to quantify, let’s look at some of the skills and traits necessary in the bar business and see which of these two industry titans comes out on top!
Bar Design & Build
First, I just need to point out that I used to work in the building trade. How Taffer is able to get building, electrical and plumbing permits and certificate of occupancies so quickly is beyond me. (I call B.S. on the creation and implementation of his concepts in the 36 hour window the show portrays.)
Having said that, the building design and layouts are where the bar “science” Taffer is known for really shows through. He truly does understand how to lay out bars, speed wells and dance floors for optimal customer flow and employee efficiency and ergonomics. Remember the Butt Funnel?
The Double Deuce’s remodel and layout was all blueprinted by Tilghman prior to him recruiting Dalton. So I can’t give Dalton credit for it.
Advantage: Taffer. While I am sure Dalton has basic knowledge of bar layouts, when it comes to maximizing revenue per sq ft and maximizing employee efficiencies, I’d trust Taffer.
Vendor Relationships
We know that Jon Taffer has built close relationships with bar industry leaders over his decades in the business.
How do we know this? Because he reminds us of it multiple times an episode…
In each episode of Bar Rescue, Taffer is able to bring in furniture, bar ware and building materials overnight to pretty much anywhere in the continental United States.
But lest we forget that when the villainous Brad Wesley cut the Double Deuce off from the local liquor distributors, with a simple dial of the rotary phone to a memorized number, Dalton had a liquor delivery to the Double Deuce literally the very next morning.
Advantage: Taffer. Jon gets the slight advantage here because Dalton’s relationship with other bar supply vendors (such as East Coast Bar & Stool and Barproducts.com) are unknowns.
Related Post: Top Ten Famous Bars From Movies And TV
Security
Here is where we begin to lean into more of the bar “art” as opposed to bar “science.”
Taffer will know all about properly checking I.D’s and video surveillance, but Dalton’s mastery of human nature, psychology and Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War-iness‘ would help him defuse any potential altercation from igniting inside the bar.
Dalton took this group of hill-billies and trained them up to the point where they could handle covert special operations into North Korea.
Dalton also called in his mentor Wade Garrett when he needed additional bouncer help….but that did end with Wade getting murdered…so I guess that probably shouldn’t be considered a positive attribute…
Advantage: Dalton. Everyone knows a dude with a Canadien Hockey Mullet knows how to handle themself in a fight. But as we learned with Samson, if you cut his hair, he does lose his super powers.
Just ask Metallica…
Side Note: The actor in this scene who was offering up his wife’s boobies for $20 (and is humorously listed in the movie credits as “sharing husband”) was famous cartoon voice actor Chris Latta, who voiced legendary 80’s cartoon characters Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe and Starscream and Wheeljack from Transformers!
Management Style
Both Taffer and Dalton walk into a bar and demand from the owner total control of the business to run as they see fit. Neither has any compulsion about immediately firing a non-performing employee either. Human Resource Department be damned!
However, Taffer will spend just as much time trying to fix the bar owner as a person as he does the business. Normally he is dealing with a person who purchased the bar hoping to just have a good time and was surprised when they found out running a business is an actual job requiring knowledge, hard work and self-discipline. Jon will try to set them straight.
Dalton, on the other hand, doesn’t care if the stress of running the bar has cost you your 401K, your marriage or your health. He is just there to do a job and move on.
Advantage: Taffer. This area is more abstract and varies based on the personality of the bar owner and what motivates them. But when Taffer leaves, hopefully the bar owner is left with at least the basic knowledge of promotional marketing, cost accounting, drink and food recipes and systems management.
Dalton just leaves behind an open line of credit at the local auto parts store.
Cool Factor
An intangible element that matters in the bar industry more than probably any other industry is a ‘Cool Factor.’
It is kinda like what NFL coaches refer to as the “It” factor when talking about franchise quarterbacks. It is impossible to quantify, but you know it when you see it.
While I give Taffer the edge in wardrobe selection (Dalton’s flowing blouses can’t compete with Taffer’s nifty sport jackets), no carefully selected outfit can compete with that intimidating Dalton gaze.
Once Dalton locks his Care Bear Stare on you, whether you are an attractive blonde simply looking for a hot dude to share your bed with that night or an evil henchmen who used to “F–K guys like him in prison,” you know it is on!
Advantage: Dalton. Big time. No Taffer Matrix of Leadership can compete with the Dalton Care Bear Stare!
Final Result: Taffer For The Win.
These results are obviously very subjective and I thought this would end in a draw when I began drafting this post, but this is how it worked out.
I guess it depends on each unique situation and how heavy you weigh different attributes such as Taffer’s decades of experience or the mystical powers of Dalton’s Mullett and Care Bear Stare.
For example, I think Brad Wesley would have ran Taffer straight out of town and I don’t see Dalton having the culinary knowledge to keep the bar’s food cost below 30%.
Both Taffer and Dalton only hang around for a finite amount of time before moving on to the next town and struggling drinking establishment. When Taffer leaves, he at least theoretically is leaving behind a wealth of bar knowledge (see his victory of Dalton under Management Style) with ownership resulting in a greater chance of the bar’s success.
When Dalton leaves, he is literally leaving behind a trail blood, broken hearts and dead bodies.
Friends included. #RIPWadeGarrett!
What do you guys think?
Who Would You Rather Have To Rescue Your Bar? Jon Taffer or Dalton?
Let me know in the comments below!
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Geeky Daddy 