The retail giant Walmart is known for many things. Mostly for being a one-stop shop for tremendously diverse product selection and tremendously diverse people watching. (who could forget the lady drinking wine out of the Pringles can or the woman who stole a motorized shopping cart to drive to a Waffle House!)
Let’s look at the Top Ten Weirdest Things You Can Buy At Walmart!
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I never would have thought about hitting up Walmart for any funeral needs, but I guess it makes sense. What doesn’t make sense however are the results that populate Walmart’s search engine bar as you search for these.
As you start to type “Funeral caskets” in the search bar, “Funeral Caskets with Bling” will automatically populate…which I thought was pretty weird.
If you are curious what Walmart thinks “Funeral Caskets with Bling” are, they are well painted urns. Some may have even been hit with a “Be-dazzler!”
If you are curious, all the caskets I saw said “3+ day shipping” so, I guess plan ahead.
Pop Quiz: What are little boys 2 most favorite things in the world?
If you answered anything other than “Farts” and “Dinosaurs,” you are wrong. (Unless you answered “Fruit Snacks.” Kids love those too.)
I should point out that if you search Walmart for “Farting Dinosaur Coloring Books,” there are literally dozens of options available!
I chose this particular “Farting Dinosaur Coloring Book” because this one had a little girl version as well in the form of…
Although the Farting Dinosaurs Coloring Book clearly states on the cover “For Adults and Kids,” the Farting Mermaid Coloring Book clearly states “For Toddlers Ages 3-6.”
So I guess their marketing department determined kids out grow farting mermaids at age 7?
I had to do a double take there just to make sure I keyed that correctly.
I should point out that this Handbook is apparently written by the “founder of CatholicHipster.com,” so the author should have some established credibility in the Catholic Hipster community….I’m assuming…probably…I don’t know…
I wonder if he ever took our How Hipster Are You Quiz?
Everyone has that friend that just loves cowboy movies and JAWS. So on their birthday, you could buy them 2 separate gifts, but that would just be silly.
To avoid such silliness, I present to you the Shark Horse!
I just love that the actual description of this product on Walmart.com is “Large Weird Bread Shaped Pillow.”
Why would someone need a large weird bread shaped pillow? That was not a rhetorical question, I’m honestly asking why someone would need such a pillow? Maybe they are making their bed up as a recreation of the last supper? Maybe they feel the need to make a turkey sandwich pillow with a life sized turkey? Maybe they just really love carbs? I have no idea.
But rest assured, if you should find yourself needing a “Large Weird Bread Shaped Pillow”, Walmart’s got your back!
By “Flashing” you’d think I’d mean like a blinking light. But I don’t. I mean like a dude tearing open his trench coat to reveal his birthday suit in front of you on a New York city subway train at 3 in the morning.
At least a blinking light banana figure would have made more sense. Well…a little more sense at least.
Good lord, if the flashing banana wasn’t nightmare inducing enough, just try falling asleep tonight after seeing these terrifying amalgams!
I won’t be going to sleep this evening. Other than that, I have no words to describe these.
9 ‘Not-So-Child-Appropriate’ Children’s Paperback Parody Series
For something a little more light hearted, check out this paperback series of parodies of ‘Not-For-Children’ children’s books by Sam Miserendino.
What are some other weird or crazy things you have seen at Walmart?
Let me know in the comments below!
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