Bah Humbug – Santa Shouldn’t Have Gotten the Covid Vaccine So Early

I shared my opinion piece yesterday about Tropicana’s #TakeAMimoment, now it is time for an opinion piece from Geeky Mommie!

Doctor Anthony Fauci made headlines earlier in the week when he let the world know that Santa had received his Covid vaccine. (HIPPA violation anyone?)

image credit: TMZ

While this was welcomed by hundreds of families, I question why Santa was able to jump to the front of the line to get the vaccine, which might be in higher demand than any product from Nintendo (where they don’t make enough just to torture us).

Santa is an essential worker who is old, fat and eats enough of cookies to make Wilford Brimley blush (maybe diabetic?), which means he is considered to be part of the high risk population.

BUT I still think there are enough reasons he shouldn’t have gotten the vaccine. Here’s my reasoning.

Note: This article is obviously meant as entertainment. We are aware that this is not a real story, we don’t hate Santa (well, everyone except Lil’ G-Man) and wish everyone who celebrates a safe and Merry Christmas.

There are no known outbreaks at the North Pole

There has been no news of an outbreak at the naturally socially distanced North Pole. And if there had been, there’s a good chance that Santa and Mrs. Claus would have caught it at some point and is probably gone again (think New Zealand).

We don’t even know if elves or reindeer can get Covid

The only animals to have made headlines for getting Covid have been cats, but if cats can survive living with Joe Exotic, I think they could survive just about anything. There has been research that cats, dogs, hamsters, ferrets, tree shrews and fruit bats can possibly get Covid, but nothing about deer or specifically reindeer. I’m not sure how Covid or OSHA compliant the elves living quarters are, but I also don’t believe there has been any research on elves and Covid exposure- we don’t even know if these are Lord of the Rings elves or Keebler elves.

He’s performing a socially distant task

Santa only comes when everyone is sleeping (which is creepy by itself), so no one should be around him. Speaking of which, we had to promise Lil’ G-Man that Santa wasn’t going to come to the house because he was creeped out by the thought of a stranger coming into the house and watching him while he sleeps. Honestly, seems legit.

He’s only in a home for a fraction of a second

Per CDC guidelines, there is data about needing to be exposed for about 15 minutes within about 6 feet of an infected individual. Based on the number of homes Santa has to hit in 24 hours, he can’t spend more than a split second at each home.

Let’s do some math: in the U.S. alone, and assuming that we’re counting all darkness (not just after midnight), Santa would have about 0.0006 of a second to visit each home. There are some that insist Santa has quantum reindeer, and as we learned in Avengers: Endgame, time passes differently in the quantum realm. But he’s still not hanging out for 15+ minutes in a home.

Contract from surface areas is rare

Even if Santa touches items in the house with his gloved hands and eats his milk and cookies, it’s highly unlikely he would catch anything since this isn’t the main way the virus spreads. As long as he doesn’t touch his face, he should be ok.

UPS/FedEx/USPS/Prime drivers are not getting their shots yet

They make deliveries daily – not just one day a year. If anything, they should have priority. Plus, they do porch drop off. Maybe this year Santa can forgo the milk and cookies and drop items on the porch instead of under the tree.

It’s a waste of doses

In the Hanukkah miracle of 2020 where vials contain 6 or 7 doses instead of just 5, it’s unlikely they’d only send 1 dose to the North Pole. Even if Mrs. Claus and a handful of elves get their shots (has this been tested on elves), there is probably some wasted material.

Dr. Fauci stated he gave the vaccine himself

Image credit: TMZ

If Dr. Fauci went to the North Pole, he potentially exposed the entire population to the virus, or other viruses that might not exist there. Hopefully he was masked up!

Does Santa even get sick?

Is Santa immortal? And if he is, can he even get sick? (According to 1991’s Marvel Holiday Special, Santa Claus is an Alpha level Mutant) Or is the sleigh simply passed down from generation to generation, like the role of James Bond?

credit: Marvel

If he can get sick, wouldn’t he have a trained medical professional on sight to give him vaccines, and Fauci wouldn’t have had to waste his precious time traveling back and forth to the North Pole? If there aren’t any medical personnel, then doesn’t that mean Santa is immortal and therefore can’t get sick and doesn’t need a vaccine?

The vaccine takes time to kick in

It takes about 14-days for the vaccine to kick in. Dr. Fauci said that he checked Santa’s immunity which means that he visited Santa at least twice. However, the FDA approved the vaccine on December 11, 2020. Fauci mentioned that he had already vaccinated and tested Santa’s immunity on December 19, 2020.

This would mean that either Santa got the vaccine before it was FDA approved or he built up his immunity quicker than anyone else (Mutant!). If he got it on the 11th, the exact day of approval, he wouldn’t in theory have immunity until the 31st, not in time for Christmas. Something is a little fishy here. And if he used his celebrity influence to get it prior to approval, Full House’s Aunt Becky might have some room next to her in jail for using celebrity status/money to get preferential treatment.

What do you think? Did Santa get preferential treatment or is he the ultimate essential worker?

Again: This article is obviously meant as entertainment. We are aware that this is not a real story, we don’t hate Santa (well, everyone except Lil’ G-Man) and wish everyone who celebrates a safe and Merry Christmas.

(Feature image credit: TMZ)

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