You know what’s awesome to receive in your ‘Trick or Treat’ bag on Halloween?
Full size candy bars, dollar bills, Hot Wheels, Fun size candy bars…Maybe tiny liquor bottles for the adult chaperones…
You know what’s NOT awesome to find in your ‘Trick Or Treat’ bag on Halloween? Anything from this list!
Here are the Top Ten Worst Halloween Candies!
You’ll probably find more than a Bit-O-Toilet Paper around your house the next morning if this is all you hand out to Trick-Or-Treaters on Halloween.
The honey flavored toffee with bits of almonds screams “I’m old,” which it is as it was introduced in 1924. If you’re going to rip out fillings, you might as well enjoy the experience with literally any other toffee or caramel (except for Mary Jane‘s).
9 Hard ‘Grammy’ Candy
Bags of the cheap unbranded hard candy from a cheap unbranded ‘dollar store’ that taste more like a blend of cheap unbranded cough syrup with cheap unbranded toothpaste and smells like cheap unbranded air freshener.
I believe these just appear when a grandma turns 85 along with an unattractive candy dish (and a cat or 3). Let’s leave them in the candy bowl and not in trick-or-treat bags!
8 Good & Plenty
Good & Plenty are the candy equivalent to putting a spoiler and “GT” decals on a base Honda Civic. Yeah, you slightly improved the look, but it is what’s on the inside that counts.
And what’s inside is gross tasting black licorice (which we will see again soon). Maybe we’d try it if the licorice was chocolate flavored, but for now, leave this out of your Halloween candy rotation.
7 Candy Corn
Candy Corn around Halloween are the edible equivalent of political yard signs during election season.
They are inescapably everywhere, annoying and serve no purpose whatsoever!
(Seriously, has anyone ever changed their vote because of a tiny yard sign they saw on the freeway exit ramp?)
I will admit that some people like candy corn, but I don’t get it. I think these cause cavities if they’re even in a 5 ft proximity due to their insane sweetness. Think of them as Autumn flavored Peeps or Valentine’s Day conversation hearts.
6 Dubble Bubble Gum
Quick Quiz: What is the only gum to have shorter lasting flavor than Fruit Stripe gum?
Hint: The answer rhymes with “Stubble Trouble”
At least Fruit Stripe puts forth an effort to try to taste good for the first 10 seconds or so. I will admit that Dubble Bubble tastes great for about 1 second and you can blow a nice sized bubble, but it’s a lot of work for very little pay off. And if you ration out the ‘Trick Or Treat’ inventory like some parents, where you get 2-3 per day only, it’s for sure not worth it.
Sometimes you may “feel like a nut,” but no one ever feels like straight-up coconut…
What kid wants dark chocolate and coconut, together? NONE. The answer is none. So if you get a multi pack, keep these for yourself.
Next time just spring for real M&M’s you cheap schmuck!
3 Black Licorice
At least the people at Good & Plenty have the decency to camouflage their black licorice with candy coating.
People that dish out black licorice are so straight-up savage, they don’t even try to hide it!
So why does black licorice taste so awful? Some theorize that glycyrrhiza glabra, the compound that gives fennel, black licorice, and anise their characteristically horrifying taste, is chemically similar to that of artificial sweeteners.
Also, black licorice can cause lead poisoning or heart arrithymia, like this poor 54-year-old dude found out when he died from it in September 2020. What a horrible way to go. Even Jigsaw wasn’t that cruel!
2 Peanut Butter Kisses (AKA Those Nasty Black and Orange Wrapped Taffy Things)
Peanut Butter Kisses are one of those things the world wishes it could dis-invent!
Like air pollution, weapons of mass destruction or the ‘Mullet.’
1 Mary Janes Candies
This candy is over a century old…and it tastes like it!
There is a special level of HELL for people that hand out Mary Jane Candies.
It is a circle shared with thieves, liars, people that don’t return their shopping carts to the shopping cart bays at the grocery store and those that karaoke Creed ballads at the bar.
“With Arms Wide Oppeeennnn...”
What are some of the worst Halloween Candies you think we missed?
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