The Liquors Most Likely To Result In You Going Streaking, Being Arrested Or Just Hung Over

First off, addictions are a serious topic and should be taken seriously…someplace more serious than here.

Having said that, now that I am a Stay At Home Dad of a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old during a friggin’ pandemic, I view ‘Day Drinking’ in a much more favorable light than I did 6 months ago…

Part of this complete SAHD Quarantine Breakfast…

I also never miss an opportunity to reminisce about my drunken college dorm days….at least the ones I can remember.

I was the Battle Shots Champion on my floor in the dorm! surveyed 2,000 American drinkers to see which alcoholic drinks were most likely to result in certain unfortunate behavior, such as streaking nude, being arrested or even pyromaniac behavior.

Note: These results are based on survey answers and not scientific data. From a science, we know that the more congeners present in an alcohol (byproduct of fermentation), usually the more intense the hangover. However this obviously doesn’t take into account personal drink preferences, tolerances and so on.

Something to keep in mind: Tequila might be the last drink the drinker REMEMBERS drinking, not necessarily the last drink they actually drank that night.

Now, on to the results of the survey:

Anybody Got Any Advil?

What People Believe Gives Them The Worst Hangovers

Note: This is what the drinkers believe, not necessarily reality.

Interestingly, despite whiskey containing the highest number of congeners, it ranked behind both tequila and vodka.

In my experience, hangover science is pretty simple: The cheaper the alcohol, the worse the hangover. I can handle Grey Goose Screwdrivers all day, but a couple with Popov ones and I am dead to the world for the next 36 hours.

Where Are My Pants?

Of the 2,000 survey respondents, 685 became nude in public when they drank.

These are the people I want to party with!

So what is the drink of choice for these party animals? Vodka!

One thing to note is that the top 4 alcohols makes up over 90% of this category (vodka, rum, tequila & whiskey) and are generally served at parties, where a person is more likely to flash their goods, go skinny dipping, streak through a park on a dare or play an intimate game of high stakes poker where the loser winds up naked.

Why Am I In The Back Of This Police Car?

Of the 2,000 surveyed, 212 (over 10%) have been arrested while drunk.

Drink of choice? Whiskey!

Whiskey leads this category by far, nearly doubling up its next closest competitor. This does open the door for a follow-up survey focusing on ’cause and effect.’

Does whiskey consumption have a direct proportional effect on arrestable behavior or do people prone to arrestable behavior simply prefer the taste of a good barrel aged whiskey?

The mental picture of couple cowboys slamming shots of whiskey before getting into hijinks resulting in being pistol whipped by the county sheriff aren’t that far off.

But what the hell was the donkey drinking?

He even looks ashamed.

Did I Always Have This Tweety Bird Tattoo?

Of the 2,000 surveyed, 72 got a tattoo while drunk.

Another golden opportunity for a follow-up survey: How many of these tattoos are still unaltered or uncovered on their bodies?

I was going to make every attempt to not use the internet’s staple “No Ragrets” GIF, but I changed my mind.

1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila….FIRE!

Of the 2,000 surveyed, 222 (11%) admitting setting fires while drunk.

This is the part of the survey I found the scariest.

When heading out to the bars, we used to use terms like “Set this town on fire!” but we never actually meant it.

Well, apparently 11% of drinkers out there actually do! And over a third of them love themselves some tequila!

Lil’ G-Man can’t handle his Tequila. (by “Tequila” I of course mean “Milk”)

Why Don’t I Remember Any Of This?

A “Black Out” is really the body trying to defend itself. The brain realizes that the body is nearing a deadly level of alcohol poisoning, so, in defense, the brain will shuts down the body’s functions. The drinker’s vision will suddenly blur and fade to black. The drinker then wakes up some time later.

Since it is impossible to rate how different types of alcohol bring about black outs, the surveyors decided to instead ask the average number of blackouts per year as divided by beverage of choice.

The drinks the drinkers remember drinking, at least…

Once again, tequila for the win!

What is your Parent Quarantine Drink Of Choice?

Comment below with your favorite!

Visit for some awesome drinkware!

(Now let’s be serious for just a moment. Unfortunately, with the quarantines we are all going through due to the COVID19 pandemic, things like depression, domestic violence and substance abuse have been on the rise. If you are experiencing any of these, please contact a local AA chapter, substance abuse counseling professional or call 1-800-662-4357 for free assistance from public health agencies.)

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