By now we are all familiar with how during the recent government shutdown, the President famously served the NCAA football Champion Clemson Tigers fast food for their visit to the White House.
Out of curiosity, do official presidential photographers know right away if a picture is going to become an iconic image of a presidency?
Anyway, with the NFL SuperBowl around the corner (and the potential for another government shutdown shortly after that), it got me wondering:
What will the President serve when the SuperBowl Champions make their White House visit?
Lucky for you guys my toddler woke me up at 6 AM this morning so I have had time to solve this mystery…
(Obviously this list is completely for humorous purposes only and not meant to cause serious political debates. )
10. 7-11 Taquitos
We have all been there.
You stop for gas and quickly run inside to buy a drink. As you are waiting in line to pay, you think “Wow, those taquitos that have been warming on the rollers for the past 7 hours or so look really good.”
But then you are like “Oh yeah, I don’t want diarrhea.”
So you just pay for your drink and leave.
9. Little Caesar’s Hot N Ready Pizza
For people who love it quick and cheap (I’m just talking about pizza here), Little Ceasar’s Hot N Ready Pizzas check all the necessary boxes!
Notice, the only boxes I mentioned were “Quick” and “Cheap“. I didn’t mention any boxes for other attributes such as “Quality” or “Taste.”
8. Taco Bell
Originally the complex algorithm I used to formulate this list gave Del Taco the nod over Taco Bell.
However, once I entered the Doritos Los Tacos shell into the equation, it wasn’t even close.
It is impossible to have any fast food list that does not include McDonald’s somewhere.
Seriously, I checked. It’s a legal thing…
And who doesn’t love the “free” toys that come with the McDonald’s Happy Meals? (Insert ‘childish behavior’ joke here)
I gotta be honest here, Arby-Q sandwich aside, I am just not a big Arby’s fan.
Their chicken isn’t bad, but anytime I have tried their ‘famous roast beef‘, it has been been highly reflective and nearly translucent in color.
Kinda weird for anything coming off a cow, right?
Side note: Something I didn’t know before, Arby’s (pronounced “R.B.”) gets it’s name from the initials from their main product: Roast Beef. R. B. I felt dumb for not previously knowing this.
5. Waffle House
I’ll tell you what I am a huge fan of: breakfast for dinner!
I will chow down on eggs and French toast anytime of the day or night.
4. Pizza Hut
You gotta give Pizza Hut credit for effort.
They surely don’t create the best pizza on the globe, but they are always willing to try new creative and inventive marketing gimmicks, such as substituting Cheesy Bites for pizza crust or inserting hot dogs into the crust.
If any Pizza Hut executives are reading this: I don’t think you’ve mastered making regular plain old pizza yet. Lets work on that first…
3. Jose Ole Frozen Mexican Food
While this is might be bending the rule regarding “fast food” a little bit, I surely ate and enjoyed my share of Jose Ole products when I was in college. WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE.
“In college” being the key words in that sentence.
2. White Castle
Sliders have gained in popularity over the past decade and there is no more famous chain of sliders than White Castle.
Sliders are really just cheeseburgers for people that are like “I want a cheeseburger, but not a whole cheeseburger.”
In that way, they are basically the ‘small plates’ of the fast food world, except very greasy and they taste better at 2 AM on the way home from the bar when you are still half drunk.
You know you want to see secret service agents walking around the White House with White Castle Crave Cases hand-cuffed to their wrists as if they were carrying nuclear launch code briefcases. I know I do.
1. Totino’s Pizza Rolls
While bending the fast food slightly once again, Totino’s Pizza Rolls are my favorite go-to football watching snack!
It is a tiny pizza that is fried. I mean that is sheer brilliance! Whoever thought this up and engineered it should be running our space program. We could have colonized half the galaxy by now.
The only way this could be more epic would be to serve Totino’s Pizza Rolls on top of Pizza Bagel Bites on top of a Pizza Hut Pizza…
Honorable Mention If the New England Patriots Win: Boston Market
All joking aside, I like Boston Market food.
And if Boston Market does end up catering the event, it wouldn’t be the first event I snuck into just to jack some tasty Boston Market Mac ‘N’ Cheese!
Honorable Mention If the Los Angeles Rams Win: In-N-Out Burger
Hitting an In-N-Out Burger is mandatory on any west coast trip.
Aside from being so geographically limited and serving one of the best fast food burgers on the market (although I rank Wendy’s pretty high on the list as well), In-N-Out also has palm trees on their cups and french fry boats. What screams “California” more than that?
The only possible way to be more “California” than that would be to serve only “gluten-free vegan certified non-conflict burgers on 100% bio degradable recycled packaging.”
Well, that is my list. What did you think? Did I miss any fast food chains you think belong on White House silverware?
Let me know in the comments below.
And if you enjoy my humor, please like this article and share it with your friends. Thank you.