If your kid comes home from the Comic Con and says “Hey Mom! You wouldn’t believe what Elongated Man and Man-Thing just did to The Screamer”, don’t worry. He did not see what you are thinking he saw…
Believe it or not, these are just comic book characters.
Many comic book characters have names that could easily be interpreted as horribly inappropriate for underaged eyes to see.
Here is the Geeky Daddy List of the Top Ten Comic Book Characters with Pornstar Sounding Names.
10. Mr. Terrific
I thought about putting picture of myself next to the name Mr. Terrific, but I don’t think Geeky Mommie has ever actually referred to me as Michael Holt’s alter ego…
Michael Holt is actually the second DC Comics character to go by the name “Mr. Terrific”, but he is the more commonly known of the two thanks to the CW television show “Arrow”.
In the comic universe, Mr. Terrific is one of the smartest people on the planet, obtaining an astonishing 14 Ph.D’s and founding his own company Cyberwear (that he later sold to Waynetech).
9. Mr. Fantastic
Seriously, what kind of egos are we dealing with that choose names like these? At least they are geniuses to justify their egos..
Reed Richards is one of the brightest scientist in the Marvel universe and leader of the Fantastic Four (again with the egos…) as well as a comic book daddy. On a scientific trek into outer space, a solar flair from radiated his spaceship leaving Richards and his 3 person crew with new fantastic powers, hence the team name. He is also father to Franklin and Valeria, who have also developed super powers.
In Mr. Fantastic’s case, his super power could easily transition into the porn industry. He has the ability to stretch his body (or body part) into whatever shape he desires. How could that not make the ladies happy?
8. Elongated Man
Ralph Dibney has basically the exact same powers as Mr. Fantastic, but with a name more descriptive for that super power’s skill set. The creators of Elongated Man, John Broome, Carmaine Infantino and Julius Schwartz, choose this name not realizing that their employer at the time (DC Comics) already owned the rights to Plastic Man, a character with similar powers and a name that is an honorable mention on this list.
7. Colossal Boy
No, we are not talking about John Holmes.
The Legion of Super-Heroes roster is littered with goofy names. Almost as if somebody gave Gary Busey a pen and paper and said “Here, create a team of superheroes for us.” We have incredibly well thought out complex names such as Matter Eater Lad, Bouncing Boy, Karate Kid and Shrinking Violet, but Colossal Boy stands out among the crowd as being appropriate for this list.
6. The Whizzer
Initially a member of the villainous team Squadron Sinister, the Whizzer was more or less a Marvel copy of DC’s The Flash. After Squadron Sinister’s initial battle with the Avengers, the Whizzer had an epiphany and realized a couple of things.
A) That being a villain sucks and that he should change his life around and use his amazing powers for good and not evil. B) He probably got some goofy calls after Michael Vick was busted at an airport with the “Whizzanator” and realized a name change was in order. He now goes by the more suitable name “Speed Demon”.
5. Fruit Boy (No really, He is from the Legion of Super-Heroes)
Fruit Boy was nearly a member of the previously mentioned Legion of Super-Heroes but was rejected.
He has the power to accelerate the growth of fruit which could come in handy if the Legion were forced to cater a large BBQ with fruit salad or something.
4. The Screamer
David Angar was a hippie who volunteered for an experiment that gave him super powers. His vocal cords were enhanced so his loud screams could induce hallucinations in others. He was then known as Angar, The Screamer!
Not the most intimidating of nicknames. I mean if you were trying to be the toughest guy in the cell block, going by “The Screamer” just isn’t going to cut it.
3. Captain Action
There was a guy I knew in the college dorms that we named “Captain Action” but for reasons unrelated to comic books. I am referring here to the brief Captain Action comic book series based off the toy line that was DC comic published in the 1960’s.
This series also has a place close to my heart because his son assisted as Captain Action’s sidekick for a time going by the heroic name “Action Boy”, but don’t expect to see Lil’ G and I fighting crime with a similar moniker anytime soon…
2. The Punisher
Sounding more like a series of German bondage porn rather than a comic book character, The Punisher is actually the anti-hero to which all other anti-heroes are measured.
Frank Castle is one of three daddies to make the list, but unfortunately both his children and wife were gunned down in a mafia crime shoot-out. Hence Frank Castle’s ensuing one man war on crime as the Punisher!
As a recent daddy, I can easily imagine myself taking a similar course of action if my child were gunned down. However, seeing that I don’t have the elite Marine training that Castle did, I imagine I wouldn’t have the same level of success against the criminal underworld that he has had.
Sounding more like a particular part of the male anatomy, Man-Thing is actually a character in the Marvel universe. His origin is a little more complicated than some of the others on our list, but basically this smart dude named Ted Sallis was attempting to recreate the super soldier serum that gave the world Captain America. While being chased down by bad guys who wanted the serum for their own dastardly plots, Sallis injected himself with the serum and fell into a swamp that was, of course, enchanted with magic (Why? Comic books, that’s why!)
What is more unclear about the character is why his creators decided to make his nose resemble a…well…man’s thing.
Honorable Mention: Plastic Man
What do you think of my list? Any super hero names I missed that you think sound more adult oriented?