Spoiler Alert: Yes. They are.
Seriously, if there was a galactic department of child protective services, they would need to step in.
Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yoda. Luke Skywalker.
All these guys took on young apprentices who later rose to become evil despots that conquered the galaxy.
I mean these guys put minors in dangerous situations more often than Batman.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, each then ran away from taking responsibility for their unwitting mistakes and hid on a desert world, in a swamp or on an island, while the Sith Lord they helped create amassed more power.
Let’s start off with Star Wars: A New Hope and Obi-Wan Kenobi, the first Jedi we ever meet in this universe. He starts off alright. Giving Luke a gift that his “father wanted him to have but his uncle wouldn’t allow it”.
However with zero warning or explanation of what the gift is or how it works, he just hands it over to Luke, who immediately pointed the business end at his face and nearly activates it.
This is the Star Wars galaxy equivalent of handing a child a loaded gun with the safety off and saying “here, go play.”
Through the following movies, we learn more of Kenobi and the Jedi’s back story, and the more we learned, the worse they became.
Kenobi at one point set out to kill Luke’s father, Anakin, who had turned to the dark side and murdered Jedi & “younglings.” That was honorable of Kenobi.
However upon severing several of Anakin’s limbs (because, as we all learned, one of the basic rules of war is never attack when your opponent has the high ground, which is only slightly less well known than this, never match wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha Ha Ha…)
Sorry..got sidetracked. Very little sleep this week.
Upon severing several of Anakin’s limbs, Kenobi not only failed to seal the deal, he simply turned around and left, like a James Bond film antagonist. Leaving Anakin alive, wounded and pissed.
This was his former apprentice and “brother” that he left half barbecued to die an excruciatingly slow and painful death. What a dick!
But it’s ok. Kenobi and Yoda had a plan!
They would hide on separate planets for eighteen years or so (while Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader accumulate more power, larger armies & enslave countless worlds) so they could then send a new young apprentice out to kill his own parent! How jacked up is that!?! Who comes up with a revenge plan that vindictive?
Gandolf never would have pulled this crap on Frodo, much less ghost idly by while he open mouth kissed his sister!
But then again, at their peak, the Jedi were glorified human traffickers.
Basically, if a child was born winning the genetic lottery (heightened levels of tiny bacteria called “Midichlorians” which connected them to the Force – hey, I didn’t write it), the Jedi would take them away from their families and raise them in covenant to be devoid of any attachments to family for the rest of their life. Pretty jacked.
But don’t worry. Now that the Jedi Order is no more and our boy Luke Skywalker is in charge, things will be different right?
Well…if by “different” you mean “pretty much the exact same thing”, then…yes.
So things are still a little hazy, but we know that Luke trained his own nephew, Ben Solo, in the ways of the Force to become a Jedi.
At some point along the way however, Ben emphatically decides to go full emo millennial and that the family business is not for him, turns evil and kills the other students.
Luke, following in the footsteps of his mentor Kenobi, decides that rather than do something about the Force mess he helped create, the best course of action would be to run away and hide while his former apprentice accumulates power, commits mass murder and pretty much runs amuck of the entire galaxy.
We thought he was annoying when he was just whining about going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters, but now Luke Skywalker appears to be the worst mentor and Jedi of all time!
Especially if Rey turns out to be his child (which I don’t think is the case – I still think she will relate to Kenobi somehow because of their similar outfits and British accents while the producers made sure John Boyega lost his), then he is also the galaxies worst deadbeat dad on top of it!
He ran off and spent the past dozen years or so on the Hawaii of the galaxy while young Rey was left with the shadiest business man on Jakku (the Saharan desert of the galaxy). No birthday cards, no child support payments or even check to see if she is still alive!
We know his family values are already somewhat questionable: The dude did open mouth kiss his sister.
I guess to sum things up, let’s steal a lyric from Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings:
“Mamma’s don’t let your children grow up to be Jedi”
From what we have seen so far, becoming a Jedi apprentice never ends in a happily ever after. It appears that their health care plan isn’t so bad, but no pension plan or early retirement options.
Your options are (A) dying violently in battle after having a hand cut off, (B) dying violently in battle after turning evil and having a hand cut off or (C) living out your lonely days in exile in a swamp.
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